In Memoriam Maureen McCann Miletta

August 30, 1928 -- June 12, 2022

Maureen has had an extraordinary life. She touched countless lives with her loving energy that made you believe you could actually change the world for the better with your smarts, your talents, your voice. Her praise was like a balm for the soul. You are beautiful, you are talented, you are a writer, you are an artist. Words that carried young people onto their destinations with confidence and a smile. 

These last five years of her life have felt like an extended dream vacation. Visits from friends and family, former students, meals, parties and trips to Tuscany with our Roman friends, and even the awful days of the COVID pandemic and Maureen's slow steady climb back to health, have been filled with her lessons of love and laughter no matter what comes her way. She even conquered that dreaded disease afflicting her brain, Alzheimer's, with her ability to constantly adapt, experiment, shift focus onto what really matters, and she clung to the words she most needed: lovely, nice, thank you, I love you, beautiful. Even buon giorno. Ciao.

Maureen in November of 2021

 All this was made possible in great part by the team of people supporting us, most especially Irene and Sheeba, and her physical therapist Gloria. In one memorable session, when Maureen was resisting what Gloria was asking her to do, she declared, "You're fired!" But Gloria was forgiven by the end of the session and it became a running joke. Maureen instead would say, "OK, Goodbye." Still she persisted in pushing herself, with her motto of "I'll try." Then the amazing doctors and nurses who came into our home and helped her to heal, to stabilize, to gain mobility and strength. These were unlike any interactions I have ever seen in a medical setting. Memorably, Dr. Libo, who got her back from the brink right before that awful February in 2020, who declared with a lively hand gesture of strength, "C'e vita ancora in questa donna!" More recently she has had Dr. Enzo by her side, and she emerged with smiles from her drowsy state the minute she heard his voice saying, "Buon giorno! Come va?" Our delightful friend and nurse Felix (a woman, unlike Maureen's grandson) who was on hand by some sort of magical synchronicity with Maureen's first nurse from 2020, Julie, when Maureen suffered her stroke and starting having seizures this November. The team of nurses and Dr. Simona Scicchitano from Antea have been giving her loving care at home since then.

Maureen leaves an incredible legacy with her two beloved grandchildren, Felix and Annabelle, who undoubtedly benefited from her praise and encouragement all their lives and are now flourishing young adults studying material science and music among other things. She is also survived by her niece Kathleen and nephew Peter, and her daughters Alexandra and Jennifer. She lived to enjoy her 93rd birthday.

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Maureen ha avuto una vita straordinaria. Ha toccato innumerevoli vite con la sua energia amorevole che ti ha fatto credere che potresti davvero cambiare il mondo in meglio con la tua intelligenza, i tuoi talenti, la tua voce. La sua lode era come un balsamo per l'anima. Sei bellissima, hai talento, sei una scrittrice, sei un artista. Parole che hanno portato i giovani alle loro destinazioni con fiducia e un sorriso.
Questi ultimi quattro anni della sua vita sono sembrati una lunga vacanza da sogno. Le visite di amici e familiari, ex studenti, pasti, feste e viaggi in Toscana con i nostri amici romani, e persino i terribili giorni della pandemia di COVID e la lenta e costante ascesa di Maureen verso la salute, sono stati riempiti con le sue lezioni di amore e risate nonostante le cose che le capitano. Ha anche vinto quella temuta malattia che affligge il suo cervello, l'Alzheimer, con la sua capacità di adattarsi costantemente, sperimentare, spostare l'attenzione su ciò che conta davvero, e si è aggrappata alle parole di cui aveva più bisogno: adorabile, gentile, grazie, ti amo, bellissima. Anche in italiano: Buon giorno. Ciao.
 
Tutto questo è stato reso possibile in gran parte dal team di persone che ci supportano, in particolare Irene e Sheeba, e la sua fisioterapista Gloria. In una sessione memorabile, quando Maureen stava resistendo a ciò che Gloria le stava chiedendo di fare, ha dichiarato: "Sei licenziata!" Ma Gloria è stata perdonata alla fine della sessione ed è diventata una barzelletta fra noi. Maureen invece direbbe: "OK, arrivederci". Eppure insisteva nello spingere se stessa, con il suo motto "Ci proverò". Poi i fantastici medici e infermieri che sono venuti a casa nostra e l'hanno aiutata a guarire, a stabilizzarsi, a guadagnare mobilità e forza. Queste erano diverse da qualsiasi interazione che avessi mai visto in un ambiente medico. Memorabile il dottor Libo, che l'ha ripresa dall'orlo poco prima di quel terribile febbraio del 2020, che ha dichiarato con un vivace gesto di forza della mano: "C'e' vita ancora in questa donna!" Più' recentemente ha avuto il dottor Enzo al suo fianco, ed è uscita sorridente dal suo stato di sonnolenza nell'istante in cui ha sentito la sua voce che diceva: "Buon giorno! Come va?" La nostra deliziosa amica e infermiera Felix (una donna, a differenza del nipote di Maureen) che era a portata di mano per una sorta di sincronicità magica con la prima infermiera di Maureen del 2020, Julie, quando Maureen ha avuto un ictus e ha iniziato ad avere convulsioni a novembre. L'equipe di infermieri e Dott.ssa Simona Scicchitano di Antea le hanno curato con amore a casa da dicembre.
Maureen lascia un'eredità incredibile con i suoi due amati nipoti, Felix e Annabelle, che senza dubbio hanno beneficiato dei suoi elogi e incoraggiamenti per tutta la vita e ora sono giovani adulti che studiano tra le altre cose la scienza dei materiali e la musica. Lascia anche sua nipote Kathleen e il nipote Peter, e le sue figlie Alexandra e Jennifer. Ha vissuto per godersi il suo 93esimo compleanno.
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In Home Hospice Care

Spring is here, and Maureen continues to be remarkably stable after her hospitalization in November last year. Although she can no longer walk, she tolerates the recliner or her wheelchair for hours at a time, and still gets physical therapy regularly, and continues to surprise us with her strength, humor, tenderness, and expressiveness.

We just learned of the passing of our dear friend Hilda Steckel, who got pneumonia late in March, and as she worsened expressed her wish for palliative care only. She passed peacefully, having family all around (and grandchildren on video calls) on her terms. So despite our sadness, it is always a relief mixed with joy when a life well lived can end as the person desires.
 
Too often barriers to access of high quality palliative and hospice care remain, despite the exponential growth of hospitals with palliative care teams over the last two decades. What’s worse is that healthcare costs for dementia patients are substantially higher than for those with other serious diseases and illness, and place a large financial burden on families. The Center to Advance Palliative Care based at Mount Sinai in New York City argues that to meet the growing demand, newer models of community care in nursing homes, patients’ homes, and hospice facilities are needed.
 
Here in Rome we are remarkably blessed to be partnering with the non-profit foundation Antea, through the free Italian healthcare system, which provides us with in-home hospice care for Maureen. Right now we are having daily nurse visits, weekly doctor check-ups, and a 24-7 help line to call when needed. Antea also provided us with a hospital bed and medical and medicine supplies, which has greatly reduced the number of times I have to run to the pharmacy. Much more importantly, they are teams of experienced professionals, and treat me and my helpers as partners in Maureen’s care. It has made a world of difference to have this support.
 

Antea's facility in Rome

Antea’s story began in 1987 under leadership of an oncologist, now President Giuseppe Casale, and became a non-profit foundation two years ago. It is part of a national network for palliative care, guaranteed as a right by the 2010 law 38, and written with the assistance of Antea personnel. They describe their story as beginning with a decision to take on a responsibility “to give all our time to those who have little time left, to do our best to offer quality to those who feel abandoned. We chose to do so smiling because if palliative care is interpreted as a holistic approach and not just a simple pharmaceutical therapy, this is an extra something that Antea decided to provide.” Antea serves 150 families in total, with 25 patients in a hospice facility in the Park of Santa Maria della Pieta’ in the Monte Mario area of the city. Teams of doctors and nurses, and as needed, psychologists, physical and occupational therapists, social workers, nurse assistants, spiritual guides, volunteers, and office workers all participate in this amazing mission. 
 

The living room in our new place

Every single person we have encountered has been simply fantastic, bringing humanity and friendship to our new home. Late in January we moved across the hall to a slightly smaller apartment where we can now sleep in the same room, and it has made a huge difference for us. I no longer set the alarm for 3:30am as I have done for so long to check on Maureen, and another big improvement is that the heat actually works much better and can be regulated on individual radiators. We loved our big terrace, but in the winter it was drafty in the living room and Maureen always needed a small electric heater nearby. In this apartment the terrace was made into a veranda, and so we have even more light, the plants love it, and it makes our living room much cozier. Plus we have a working fireplace! 
 

Maureen smiling in the sun

All this to say, our days are filled with tender moments, laughter, joy, making new recipes for Maureen, and we even survived COVID in our helpers’ lives without getting it ourselves (Maureen finally got her third shot which had been scheduled for November). Right now we are recovering from colds and coughs but the antibiotics we just started are working and we’re already feeling better. I am so grateful for every single day. We are truly blessed!