How We Cheer Up

I won’t lie. Sometimes, even the idyllic city of Rome isn’t enough to conquer the blues. My mother’s 89-year-old body, with all original parts, sometimes hurts, gives out on her, and in other ways causes her to get in a funk. There’s no doubt that caretaking, with the daily chores of cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. can also take a toll on my mood. Then news from the U.S. is often seriously depressing. So we try to abide by some guidelines from neuroscience to work on our mutual happiness.

Sunshine and Vitamin D

According to Dr. Alex Korb of UCLA, sunlight absorbed through the skin helps the brain make serotonin and we know that vitamin D insufficiency is a widespread problem affecting at least half of us.  We need more than presently recommended to prevent chronic diseases.  

Mimi loves the sun too.

We are lucky to have a south-facing terrace where we planted a lemon tree and put an outdoor chair to sit in when the sun is out. One of my mother’s favorite morning rituals is to sit out in the sun for at least 20 minutes, and luckily the climate in Rome is warm enough that she can do this even in January. (We make sure she has sunscreen on as she’s had her fair share of skin cancer removals).

Fresh Flowers

Dr. Andrew Weil has said that we should keep fresh flowers in the home “for the beauty, fragrance, and the lift they give our spirits.”  My mother really has a gift for arranging flowers, and her idea of fun is having multiple bunches of fresh flowers to cut and arrange in various types of glass and ceramic vases and place all around. Here in Rome the large wholesale flower market is open to the public on Tuesday mornings, so I have made an effort to get there weekly and come home with different flowers for her to play with.

The mercato dei fiori is gigantic.

Maureen at work.

I work alongside her, trying to learn from her expertise, and then about halfway through the week, we recut and rearrange, sorting out the drooping or dried out ones. We also have a regular flower guy we buy from, and he is so sweet that he always greets my mother with some free bunch of fragrant flowers (last time it was baby paper whites).

Maureen with our fiorista.

Outdoor flower stands abound in Rome, and prices are so reasonable that there really is no excuse for not having at least a few bouquets in the apartment at all times.

Gratitude

There are scientific studies that show the benefits of expressing gratitude  and Dr. Korb explains how this habit can also improve sleep and overall health. When the bad news gets us feeling anxious, helpless, angry, we try to focus on all the reasons we have to be grateful, including the fact that we had the means to move to Rome and live here in such a beautiful apartment. When we wake up in the morning, we express our feelings of appreciation for the view of pine trees outside the window, for a warm shower with fragrant soap, for a hot mug of espresso coffee and steamed milk, for fresh-squeezed orange juice. While these material things may seem insignificant, it’s not authentic to have a daily thought of “thank God I’m alive” but rather it is in recognizing the small things that bring us pleasure that we can reap the benefits of practicing gratitude. It goes without saying that when we express gratitude towards others the effect is amplified. When I was a teacher, the single best thing I did to build morale and good will in the classroom was to have a moment halfway through the day for everyone to share compliments with each other. Who doesn’t love a public “thank you” from the heart? We all do. Empty praise, no. Sincere thanks, yes.

Maureen reassures Mimi during the fireworks
of  New Year's Eve.

Hugs

We all love a good hug, whether from a friend, lover, family member, even a pet (yes, cats give hugs as well as dogs!) Giving and receiving affection is absolutely linked to human contentment, as physical expressions of love and connection complement the verbal and non-verbal ways we express

My friend Luca gives great hugs.

how we care for each other. In my family, we hug a lot. My sister and I established a funny “seal” hug when we were younger that we still do from time to time, and it makes us laugh. One of us is the seal, the other wraps arms around tightly and the seal flaps flippers and makes a happy seal bark. Where did this come from? No one taught us to hug like that. But we invented it and made it ours. Hugs are my antidote of choice to the blues, whether I’m asking or giving. It just feels good, and the feeling is contagious.

Acknowledging Emotions

Sometimes if you’re angry the last thing you want to hear from someone is “cheer up” – you’re likely to retort with a scowl or worse. Apparently, neuroscience says it’s best to label your feelings and know that the less desirable ones come and go in time.  I am finding that with Alzheimer’s this is especially important, as the disorientation and confusion caused by memory lapses can be quite aggravating. My mother in particular hates “feeling stupid.” Rather than trying to refocus or shift discussion away from my mother’s need to express those feelings, I will acknowledge them and let her talk through it until naturally things move on. Whenever she has been particularly agitated or fearful, I also talk her through some calming deep breathing, which is also effective. Lately we’ve been using Dr.Weil’s 4-7-8 breathing exercise at bedtime and it seems to be working.

The Ponte Milvio market.

Go for a Walk

Yes, exercise is important for physical and mental health, but a simple walk outdoors can do a world of good without having to get to the gym or follow a workout routine. One of my favorite walks is to stroll through the antique outdoor market along the Tiber by Ponte Milvio on Sunday mornings. I love the combination of admiring old things for sale, people watching, and soaking in the sunshine and views of the river. I also love to walk in the historic center of Rome in small side streets that lead to wide open piazzas, especially as late afternoon sun gives way to twilight, and to the early evening. It is positively magical for my mood.

When all else fails, we pour ourselves a glass of wine and get out the savory snacks.

The fountain in front of the Pantheon is one
of my favorites.